You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
