Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
