Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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