You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
