he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
