You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
