My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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