Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
