My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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