i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
