My hair reeks of homosexuality.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
