So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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