So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
