I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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