I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
