He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
