I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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