Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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