I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
