I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
