he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
