My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
