Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
