I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
jump out the window naked night went bad
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