So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
