you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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