My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
