I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
