I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
North Korea, Best Korea!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
