hell yes lets make some ravioli
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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