Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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