toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
