If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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