Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
