I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
