Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
