you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
