I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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