She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
