I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize