I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
