Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
