She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We need a shit load of segways right now
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
