he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize