a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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