dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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