similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Im part way to drunk.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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