it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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