is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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