I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Someone shattered a urinal.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
