its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
