I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize