Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
