I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
