Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
