the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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