Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She just used a chaser for red wine.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize