I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
