Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
