well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
