After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
