Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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