i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
