I'm lost and stupid without you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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