you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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